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I mean, how do you go from that to being a superhero?
Chris D'Amico, dead.
Miranda Swedlow.
Hit-Girl. That's not who you are.
If Brooke wants a pet, she should just get a dog.
Okay, Captain Muffin-muncher. Have fun playing make-believe.
- You're not telling anyone? - No!
Hey, queer bait.
- She didn't blow him. Look at her. - Then what? Rimjob? Handjob? Fingerbang?
Hehe Heh e
So, yeah, I'm damn sure.
I'm sorry, who are you?
They just disappeared?
Everybody else, spread out, catch some strays.
I am.
I gotta Tweet about this.
I can't go home. I can't put Marcus in that position.
Please, just make him stop! Please!
I can't believe you pulled a gun on that guy.
It's a gift. From some drug dealer who went missing.
I guess evil dick feels limp.
You all right, Chris? You all right, buddy?
We know where TheMotherfucker's hiding.
- Okay, look. Wait a second. - I wish I could help.
And this...
Don't worry. I kill you first.
Help us make the streets safe.
I chose this. You should let me deal with the consequences.
I gotta go.
No, you're gonna be the one that gets the awesome manicure.
How did you say this guy made his money, sir? Prostitution?
- Man, am I glad to see you. - Is there anything I can do to help, sir?
Your dad?
I promise I'll pay better than Chuck Little Dick Liddell!
I don't get it. This obsession that you have with revenge is not healthy.
Are you sure I should be doing this without my gear?
Start the car! Go, go, go, go, go! Fuck!
Totes.
That you would take care of me.
Marcus, I know I made you a promise.
...bad.
Chris, you need to forget that punk.
Just beat them at their own game.
Simon... You can drive us.
What are you doing in my room?
I thought we were trying to make it a better place.
So the safest place for Kick-Ass is right here, locked away.
Christopher, you've got to stop obsessing over this superhero!
You guys came.
They should be back by now.
I thought you wanted me to grow up.
He blew up Dad with a bazooka, for fuck's sake!
Why is he backing up? Why's there a lawnmower on the trunk?
So now you wanna tell me where you really were today?
I wanted to do good.
- for you to touch yourself. - Jesus, Dad, get out!
It didn't matter that no one else knew. We knew.
Who is this guy? And what's his problem with us?
I am gonna shit on everything that he loves.
No, I got my lethal Zero-G device.
- I'm the whitest pimp ever. - That's the idea!
Dad.
- We did it. - Fuck, yeah.
I... volunteered for your army, like the others.
Put the word out. I'm building an evil army.
No one's gonna recognize them once they're back in their street clothes.
Oh... and try to have fun.
Hold on. I can't do this right now. It's my dad's funeral.
Shit! Oh, you broke my leg!
Can you believe I let Mindy beat the snot out of me for weeks
God! Will you hurry up?
It's a last resort. Like, if all else fails and you're about to die.
Uh, me, Kick-Ass?
Where the hell are you going?
Now help me find some pliers. I'm gonna make this guy eat his own dick.
How am I supposed to face them tomorrow?
I'm not gonna find any, ninja blades, or throwing stars under your bed?
Something right.
Are you scared you're never gonna grow into your big boy pants?
I was the first superhero to go public.
Not a problem, man. I got your back.
In the two years since the first ordinary citizens donned capes and masks,
Everything okay?
- Shut up! - Yeah.
I mean, apologetic isn't a word I'd use to describe you.
You got my soup?
First, you almost get me killed, then you stand me up.
- I'm sorry. - Woah! Can't you knock?
How else was I gonna get you to stop calling?
The feeling was, indescribable.
Everybody's just too afraid of your uncle Ralph to take the job.
We are Kami Gang