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Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips
I spoke to my attorney, and he said they gotta let me out by tomorrow.
Dave, I'm done...
Dollar. Jar.
With all our new members, it seemed kinda shitty not to ask Todd.
It will not work. You need the chemical kind.
And it was an honor to serve by his side.
We need back-up! Eight men down!
What's the point?
I guess we're about to find out.
Red Mist was my superhero name. Henceforth, I'll be known as...
Hold him down! I want to see what his guts look like.
It turns out somebody had. Mindy Macready.
Yeah, I was hoping you can help me get a million hits on YouTube!
That's him!
I'll stop being such a bitch.
But instead, I sent them home with tummy aches. Boo-fucking-hoo!
Twilight, Channing Tatum, Union J. It's biology, bitch.
Damn it, Mindy. I can't do this anymore.
Promise me you're done with the life of crime?
I'll be immortal, like an evil Jesus.
I told ya!
It's called adrenaline, bitch
That's from the heart. Don't let it go to your head.
And as soon as he was gone, so was she.
Because it's a slumber party, for fuck's sake?
I just wanna be able to kill Kick-Ass with my bare hands.
Let's go get some pizza.
C'mon, forget it. He's just one of those dickheads
This is the Zero-G device I invented.
So, if you're half-decent I'll make sure she puts you on the team.
The Motherfucker.
But you can't go hiring a gang of heavy-hitters.
Oh my God!
Thanks for the ride. I'll see you at school.
I see you answered your phone. That means you're not in school.
You wanna take me on a date sometime?
I'm trying to figure out how to explain this without
- Hey, Kick-Ass! Welcome back! - Yeah!
You're not like me, or your dad. You're, uhh...
standing around in homemade costumes,
Alright. We got an ex-Triad member, looking for work.
Empty. Don't tell the bad guys.
I might be, if I have to keep looking at that shit stain you call a face.
I'm just joking. Let's get down to business.
Your father was like a brother to me. He was a great cop and a hero.
Well, I'm almost home. I'll make you some soup and we can watch Jeopardy.
We never saw our son again.
But did we make the world a better place?
- Can that be traced? - I tried. His IP address is masked.
Then why is it worse?
Hell, no, man! This is a baseball bat wrapped in tin foil! But it fooled you!
I am not the problem, you are! I wish you were dead!
It's kinda like you're the Alfred to my evil Bruce Wayne.
- Hey, Mind. - Hey, Marcus, what's up?
I don't know how serious he is, but his picture was pretty hardcore.
That's why we moved to Long Island after your father's accident.
These real-life superdweebs've been waiting their whole lives for a call like this.
Hey, language.
Vigilantes don't get a free pass.
Miss Mullins was out today so we had Mr. Cooper teach us Biology. Such a grump...
- Come on, can't your team handle it? - They're not you, Mindy.
I don't see anything.
It'll take you someplace safe.
I don't remember a Big Tony. Is he huge?
All right. We'll let you off the hook this time, Battle Guy.
I think it's time to get back to the real world.
The dog? Jesus Christ, I'm not that evil.
He'd be proud of you, Dave.
But you, my friend, have just earned lifetime access to my VIP area.
Seriously?
That's who you really are.
How many times do I have to say it?
working nights saving for your college? You've been,
No, not even a little bit. You were right.
He's not a superhero, Mom. He's a murderer.
No. I just wanted him to like me, okay?
Allow me to spend the next four years of my life trying to figure out who I am.
That is who you are, Mindy. You may not dress like us, or talk like us,
The signing sheet just went up.
to give those in need, what they deserve!
Jehovah's Witness!
I am not asking for suggestions, asshole.
- No. - Yeah.
There you are. We saved you a seat in the caf, but you never showed.
Hey!
But this is the real world.
It didn't matter that I told the police about Chris.
Says that Kick-Ass' team took them out.
Take the day off. Later!
To all the other bottom-dwellers.