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Did I tell you guys that that sick bastard
I wanna team up, like Batman and Robin.
Hell, I never even made honor roll.
You're not an adult, not yet.
We're putting an end to this tonight!
His wanna-be supervillains, defeated.
After her dad died, his old partner on the force, Marcus, became her guardian.
They're real life superheroes.
Dude who volunteers at your needle exchange?
My Daddy was never afraid of dying.
Justice Forever!
Why is Kick-Ass on this list? His crew does community service.
Close your eyes. Then I'll make you that soup.
The reality is, you're an evil bitch.
Let's bounce!
I don't give a shit! Anyone wearing a mask, is getting detained.
Alright, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna organize a fight.
Left, right, left.
Open palm!
When your uncle Ralph calls, don't ask questions.
Well, either your dad got ripped off,
Alright, alright, I'll make some calls.
Newsflash: You're not special.
Look, he asked me to cut class and go to the mall. So, yeah. Yeah, I did.
The cops are coming.
Ass-kicker.
Chris, just, just 'cause your Mom like to get a little freaky, now...
You just be yourself and you let me be nervous.
But no matter how many drug dealers she's stopped...
- You're really clammy. - I'll feel better after a nap-nap.
Told her.
I did not ride his...
And tonight we're gonna fuck this city up, or my name is not...
Look, let's get out of here.
By being yourself.
Damn, she had a nice pair of guns.
But fortunately for you, Big Tony doesn't know how to lay low so he's here.
Yeah, I still can't believe he's an ex-mob enforcer.
If I had too, my dad would still be alive.
Let's get you a mask and a costume and we will call you...
Dave, I'm so sorry.
No actual crimes committed.
You wanna hook up?
That was amazing! I feel so alive!
...who can really kick ass.
Eat a toe Suck my toe fungus
- Don't take the Lord's name in vain. - I'm sorry.
What the hell?
You don't have to be a badass to be a superhero, Dave.
Can I help you?
It's called adrenaline, bitch.
Too much like being back in the closet.
Alright! Time for initiation. Turn around and I'll unzip ya.
Cut the old man's head off. Are you guys hungry? I'm starving.
maxed out their credit cards on porno sites?
I'm sorry.
s
you obviously have no idea of who I am.
All they have to do is take off their masks.
The five of us should do.
Yeah, I usually head over to the Olive Garden to carb-load.
And by studying, I mean my mom paid her off to make me varsity.
You guys love this shit like the fanboys love Stan Lee, don't you?
- You're gonna be fine. - I'm gonna be a disaster.
Would you stop apologizing!?
just so I can get my ass kicked again? So much for a team.
Eat a dick!
Come on.
You ready to die, faggot?
You think you're the big bad guy, huh?
Why don't you keep them?
Todd was right. We are being dicks.
Mindy Macready is just a disguise.
If I can dress like them, so can you.
sounding like a complete idiot right now.
I couldn't wait to meet his friends.
What's all this bullshit about your parents getting killed?
Do we need an intervention?
- I am? - Hm-hmm. Oh, yeah.
Now you don't wanna hit with your closed fist.
Did a few jobs for my dad back in the day before you got born again.
God, Okay, I'm Just... I'm Not In The Mood! I Guess Evil Dick Feels Limp.
- It's not like that! - What is it like? Please, tell me.
I don't want to win. I just want to make the world a better place.